Oh hello this space. This http://www.Adrienne’sbrain.com space that has been consumed with to-do lists and writing for other things (like a legit book!), and dance/swimming/PE class schedules, and trying to make sure leftovers aren’t wasted and legal documents have been filed correctly and children haven’t been forgotten somewhere, and work deadlines aren’t overlooked completely and other really really intricate life navigation stuff.
Hello, space! I do believe there might be, should be, ought to be room for you again. Maybe, hopefully, sometimes if I try and set a schedule and an alarm to get up early or to stop doing other stuff and turn off the other (pretend-ish) voices in my head and (loud and real) voices in my house that say “Stop doing this (probably unproductive) thing and do this other (definitely productive) thing for someone else.”
The other day I was watching an interview on Marie Forleo TV (you’re judging me and that’s fine. I am too.) with Mark Manson and during it he talked about the need to figure out what it is (work, lifestyle, relationship etc) we are willing to struggle with. What pain are we willing to endure because the payoff makes it worthwhile. It was a good reminder that writing, for me; the struggle and pain of physically sitting in one place hunched over the keys, as well as the mental pain of rewriting or editing or researching or scrapping an idea all together, was so worth the reward of reading the final version, feeling as though I had communicated exactly what I wanted or needed to say.
Life is full. The to do list is long. I could be using this time to make another cup of coffee so I could get through maybe one or two more things on that list before it’s time to wake the toddler up from her nap and get the big kid from school. But fuck it, I’m going to write (and rewrite) these four paragraphs because I can. I want to. And I love to.
(Random photo taken in Richmond Park on one of my very, very few runs this year… clearly going slow enough to take a photo…)